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How to Get Mom or Dad to Hand Over The Car Keys for Good

How to Get Mom or Dad to Hand Over The Car

The signs of unsafe driving are there, plain as day. Maybe Mom or Dad has had some cognitive or vision problems lately. Or perhaps you’ve noticed one of your parents missing traffic signals, weaving, becoming aggressive with the horn, or other concerning behaviors. Has Mom been involved in one or more accidents? Has she hit the gas instead of the brake? Are there new dents or scrapes on Dad’s car?

It’s time for Mom or Dad to hand over the car keys for good.

How to Get Mom or Dad to Hand Over The Car That may be obvious to you, but your senior parent may not agree. Taking away their car keys can be a very traumatic experience, so it’s best if they decide on their own to stop driving. Second best? A gentle, fact-based intervention with you, their doctor, or a friend. Someone they know loves them and understands that losing the ability to drive and ready access to a car feels, rightfully, like losing independence. This monumental change can even trigger depression in seniors.

Tips that emphasize gentle persuasion

Rather than bluntly confronting Mom or Dad, this is a time to show compassion and do everything you can to preserve your parent’s dignity and acknowledge their fears about going car-less.

How to Get Mom or Dad to Hand Over The Car 1. Tell them why you are concerned

The most direct and oftentimes effective way to get voluntary agreement from Mom or Dad is to sit down and have a calm conversation – not an ambush or a decree from you. Explain your driving-related observations and why you feel it’s time (and so important to their safety) to give up the keys. Tell them that seniors age 70+ are more crash-prone than any other age group except those 25 and under. And they are more likely to get hurt or die from the crash.

How to Get Mom or Dad to Hand Over The Car Offer up a positive plan -- realistic alternatives that will allow Mom or Dad to continue getting around town. Warning: do not offer to serve as a “taxi” for your parent. This might make them feel guilty or like a child, and it can easily become a burden for you.

Instead, do some homework before you sit down to talk to learn about local transportation options for seniors. Public transportation may be the most obvious choice. Rideshare options like Uber or Lyft are also excellent choices. And most larger communities still have traditional taxi service. The growing number of home delivery services also make it easier than ever to shop locally without having to drive anywhere.

If Mom or Dad resists, suggest they consider a trial run. Then sit down again to tweak the plan as necessary based on Mom or Dad’s conclusions.

How to Get Mom or Dad to Hand Over The Car 2. Enlist Mom or Dad’s physician

You may not be the best person to have this emotionally-charged conversation with Mom or Dad. Some seniors hold the opinion of their doctor in higher esteem than that of their children. In that case, it may be prudent to speak with that physician. Voice your concerns and ask them to professionally recommend that Mom or Dad stop driving to protect themself and others.

The doctor may also be willing to complete a medical status report about your parent, which may be needed if gentle persuasion doesn’t work and you have to take further action to protect Mom or Dad.

How to Get Mom or Dad to Hand Over The Car Keys for Good3. The tough love approach

If you’re seriously concerned and your parent won’t give up the keys on their own, even on their doctor’s advice, you may have to take overt action. Many people don’t realize that you can report unsafe drivers to the Georgia Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV). They don’t promise anonymity, but they will do everything possible to keep your identity from Mom or Dad, which can prevent hard feelings. Use this form to request a review of Mom or Dad’s driving ability.

This is an ideal time to talk about assisted living

Worsening physical and/or cognitive issues that make driving no longer safe also affect overall health and wellbeing. So this is an ideal time to have “the talk” about more than the car keys. A move to assisted living can positively address concerns while ensuring maximum independence for Mom or Dad, with greater peace of mind for everyone.

Here at Magnolia Manor, we’re here to help Mom or Dad enjoy their senior years. Our nine campuses across southern Georgia are proud to provide an environment that meets the social, spiritual, physical and mental needs of our residents. Call us at 855-540-LIFE(5433) to speak with a member of our team.

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